How to Resolve Conflict in Marriage | Marriage Conference
Rob Conti | Marriage Conference
In this episode, Rob explores how to handle conflict in marriage with grace and dignity. Learn when to let things go, when to lovingly confront one another, and how prayer, humility, and listening can strengthen your relationship, remembering that only God can change the heart.
Resolving Conflict in Marriage – Teaching Slides
Foundational Scriptures and Principles
- Proverbs 28:26 — “He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but he who walks wisely will be delivered.”
- Jeremiah 17:9 — “The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?”
- We have a natural bent in our flesh to blame others for problems.
- It’s more important to honor the Lord and love your spouse than to be “right.”
- Proverbs 21:2 — “Every man’s way is right in his own eyes, but the LORD weighs the hearts.”
1. Pray: Examine Your Heart Before the Lord
Matthew 7:1–5
“Judge not, that you be not judged. 2 For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. 3 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”
Examine Your Attitude
- Have you had a critical, negative, or overly sensitive attitude that has led to unnecessary conflict?
Examine Your Words and Actions
- Have your sinful words and actions contributed to the conflict?
Seek God’s Wisdom
- Psalm 25:4–5 — “Show me Your ways, O Lord; Teach me Your paths. Lead me in Your truth and teach me, For You are the God of my salvation; On You I wait all the day.”
- James 1:2–6 — Trials produce steadfastness.
If you lack wisdom, ask God—He gives generously without reproach.
Pray for Your Spouse’s Sanctification
Colossians 1:9–14
Pray that God will fill your spouse with:
- Knowledge of His will
- Wisdom and spiritual understanding
So they may: - Live worthy of the Lord
- Please Him in every way
- Bear fruit
- Grow in the knowledge of God
- Be strengthened with endurance and patience
- Give joyful thanks for redemption and forgiveness
2. Determine if it is Worth Confronting
Proverbs 19:11 — “Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.”
Overlook the Offense if You Can Answer “No” to These Questions:
- Is the offense clear disobedience to God?
- Will it permanently damage a relationship?
- Is it hurting other people?
- Is it hurting the offender themselves?
If NO — let it go.
If the Answer Is YES
- Pray for humility and wisdom.
- Plan your words.
- Avoid making accusations.
- Anticipate reactions.
- Choose the right time and place.
- Talk in person.
- Give the benefit of the doubt.
- Listen.
- Keep reconciliation and sanctification the goal.
3. Think Before You Speak
Ask Yourself:
- Is it kind?
- Is it true?
- Is it necessary?
- Is it loving?
Scriptures:
- Proverbs 3:3 — Bind kindness and truth to your heart.
- Proverbs 12:18 — The tongue of the wise brings healing.
- Proverbs 15:1 — A gentle answer turns away wrath.
- Ephesians 4:29 — Speak only what builds up and gives grace.
3. Additional Warnings on Speech
- Proverbs 11:13 — A trustworthy person keeps things covered.
- Proverbs 25:23 — A gossiping tongue causes anger.
4. Take Responsibility for Yourself
- Admit anything you did that was wrong, hurtful, sinful, or foolish.
- Apologize for how your words or actions affected the other person.
- Offer unqualified apologies.
- Accept appropriate consequences.
- Ask for forgiveness.
5. Ask Someone Else to Speak Into the Situation
Choose someone who:
- Is committed to reconciliation.
- Is trusted by both spouses.
- Will not take sides or be manipulated.
6. Look to Jesus
Pursue Christ-Like Humility
- Philippians 2:1–8
Demonstrate Christ-Like Love
- 1 Corinthians 13:4–7
Show Christ-Like Forgiveness
- Colossians 3:12–13
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